My Momma

My mom has been extremely impactful in my life, not just because she’s my mom, but because of her support in me as a healer. When I was 16 and learned about massage, she was the first person I experimented on. She loved to be massaged by me and oh so graciously offered herself for me to practice on! At 19 when I realized that massage school was an option for my career path, she and my dad encouraged me to wait until I finished college before pursuing it. One of the requirements for the massage school I was planning on attending upon finishing college was to have gotten at least two professional massages. In my 5 years of practicing and playing with massage, I hadn’t ever gotten one! So for Christmas in 1999, just 5 months before I would start massage school, my mom got me two 60 minute massages from a place nearby. She has always been so supportive.

The largest impact my mom would make on me, however, was getting ill with an autoimmune disease called Acute Transverse Myelitis in December of 2002—just two months after my husband and I were married. In an effort to help her, I felt helpless. Massage was contra-indicated. I knew I could bring her some relief, I just didn’t know how. At this time I was led to CranioSacral work and that work forever impacted me and changed my whole career trajectory. I learned how to sense the subtle vibrations of the body and it opened up my intuition. I loved practicing it and even found someone local to my mom who could work on her (at the time I was living a hundred miles away from my parents).

My mom’s illness changed her life, it became so much harder. She deals with pain everyday and is confined to a wheelchair a majority of the time. There are complications that arise because of her illness which land her in hospitals once in a while, and then onto a rehab facility for a few weeks after that. In 2009 she had pneumonia and was in an isolation room at the hospital. She’d received a ton of antibiotics that weren’t working. My dad said to me “there’s no more medicine to give her… go do what you can”. Talk about pressure. I am grateful my dad believes in me and the work that I do- but geez! So I went into her room. She was intubated so couldn’t speak but was alert. I asked her “Do you want to die? I don’t want to intend you stay if really, you’d rather go” She shook her head “no” with emphatic eyes. Okay then, so I know where we stand then. I told her to close her eyes and I tuned in and did a concentrated healing—this was before I even took Reiki but had learned some other healing methods through the Theta healing I had been training in that year. After I was done and we both had our eyes open, I asked her if she had any visualizations or if anything came to her. She had a card with the letters of the alphabet on it so she could communicate to me. She said she kept hearing “think pink lung”. Soon after that her lungs did heal and she was able to come home.

Another time, in 2011 she was in a rehab place when I went to visit her. She asked me to work on her and I decided to experiment with seeing chakras (energy centers in the body). I knew where the chakras were located and what their colors were but that was about it. When I tuned in and tried to “look” I was happily surprised to see them! This prompted me to research more about them and how my perception of them reflected the health of her body/mind/spirit. Again, another teachable moment brought to me by my momma.

Her disease has forever impacted all of us and sometimes it overtakes her identity. Just last week she was admitted to the ER because her sodium was dangerously low. The days that followed brought me back to my mom, back to the close relationship we had long before her illness took over. There were moments when I was scared I’d lose her. I am so glad I could be with her one on one again, to reconnect with her and love on her. I can now confidently be by her side and assist in her healing- whatever form that it takes. It was very reminiscent of her early days in the hospital back nearly 16 years ago but I am older, wiser and a stronger healer now- and fortunately, now I’m only a few miles away instead of 100.

On Saturday when I visited her, we had some time alone and I said “how about I lay you back and do some Reiki?” Of course she agreed. I lowered her bed and proceeded to give her Reiki. As soon as I began I felt someone walk in, so I opened my eyes and turned around. No one there. I started again and felt it again—then realized it was my Gramma (her mom) who passed in 2011. Soon she was followed by my mom’s brother who died at age 40 nearly thirty years ago, then her dad, then my father’s parents, my mom’s Grandmother (whom I’ve never met) and soon her bed had concentric circles of family reaching far into her ancestors. It went so far that I saw ancient Scandinavians and Vikings! Horned hats and all! It was so beautiful and wonderful. They all collectively sent healing and the light they brought above my mom’s center resembled a wagon wheel of energy. It was amazing. I finished the work and just allowed my mom to bask in it a while. She awoke when my dad entered the room- of course he arrived in perfect diving timing and her session wasn’t interrupted. She was refreshed and amazed. It was a powerful session, and I shared the details with my parents with tears in my eyes. Wow. I love this work. I am so humbled that I get to do this work and to have this profound connection to my mom. She continues to teach me- I grow into a better healer and person because of her.