Yin Meets Yang
So, a Spiritual Intuitive Healer marries an Atheist Skeptic... sounds like a beginning of a joke, right? Haha. It is no joke. It is my life! How does this happen one might wonder? Well, when we first met our views were each less extreme. I always knew I believed in magic, miracles and energy. He wasn’t so sure, but he was less against that way of thinking. As we got older and our life experiences impacted us, we each sought out information to support what we believed was happening. I turned to spiritual understandings of my experiences and he turned to science, logic and reason for explanations.
This was something I knew about him and it wasn’t something we ever felt that different about. During my spiritual awakening I was excited to share my own personal stories of miraculous healings with him. He wasn’t impressed, he shut me down and denied my stories. I figured sure- I knew he didn’t believe in boardwalk psychics—but this message was coming from ME! His wife! It didn’t matter.
His skepticism had him dig his heels in hard and he dove deeper into his understanding of how religions have been historically destructive (which I agree with), but he got more immersed in the thoughts and approaches to spiritual understandings from a logic, science and skeptical perspective. He repeatedly called my beliefs “nonsense” and was (is) convinced that I was (am) delusional. He was always trying to find ways to prove me wrong. It was exhausting. Smh.
At the beginning of this stage in our marriage my sister counseled me and said “this will be topic you cannot discuss” and I said “but how?! It’s who I am!” She cautioned “You just can’t”. This was a VERY big pill for me to swallow. After that first rejection of me and my experiences I had stormed off and slammed our bedroom door saying we’d need a divorce then. Never in our 6 years of marriage (at that point) had I ever fantasized or wished for a divorce. How could I be with a man who can’t support me in this way? And knowing what I know about creating our life plan and all that—how could I have chosen a man like this for my husband!?!
I started joining Spiritual meetup groups to connect with like-minds because it was obvious that need would never be met at home. My favorite group was 45 minutes away and I met some great women who helped guide me on my path. Within a year I began my own meetup for Spiritual Discussion because I wanted something closer to home. Interestingly enough, around this time my husband created his own group which he led for Skeptics and Atheists. Lol.
At this time, my youngest son was about 3 and was talking about seeing ghosts my husband tried to shut him down. This was when our personal differences took on a different level. I wanted to assure that our children’s connection to Spirit stayed open. I fought HARD for that. It was the ugliest part of our marriage. Things were absolutely not easy. I knew how sensitive and connected kids are and didn’t want my husband telling them that the things they were seeing were not real. I never imagined the level of fights we had in trying to convince the other that MY belief was the right one and YOURS is wrong. It’s insanity and a fight that no one wins.
Somehow over time we learned to more peacefully coexist. He’s learned to adjust that this spiritual thing of mine isn’t a phase that will go away, and we both have learned to avoid specific topics and to hold our tongues. We aren’t always successful with holding our tongues, however, and when we don’t, we battle! Luckily, we quickly forgive and move on. Holding grudges isn’t a thing in our marriage. We’d rather focus on our similarities, our children and our love. My mentors who are intuitive assured me he and I would be fine, that one day we’d joke about our differences (and we have come to that point finally!). No one has ever said that he’d come around, just that he’d tolerate it better. I have learned to stand on my own feet and lean on the support of my family and good friends as well as the communities that I’ve created. My belief in myself isn’t dependent on my husband’s belief in me or my beliefs. The differences in my marriage highlight how acceptance, respect and love rule despite worldviews not being eye to eye.
The "Working Mom" Thing
Oh, to be a “working mom”. When my kids were younger, I was fortunate enough to be a full time stay at home mom. After starting my business back up 3 years ago, I reluctantly began to identify as a “working mom” and it was weird. It was something new that I didn't know how to adjust to, but as my business gradually grew, so did that title and what it really meant.
With my kids then 8 & 10 and in school all day, I (foolishly) thought it’d be more manageable to juggle the whole "work thing". What I neglected to factor in was the work-work behind the scenes and how consuming all of that can be! When they were little, I took clients out of my home on a VERY part time basis; the client would come, would leave and that was it. Maybe I spent some time making a brochure or creating meetups (I ran a Spiritual Discussion Group), but it was hardly consuming. I had a fraction of the clients I do now, I didn't advertise, didn't do networking, didn't have any social media accounts to manage and definitely didn't have much in the finance department to worry about and balance. Running a “real business” and all that entails is quite different than managing a hobby!
It’s hard being a working mom. My counters are often sticky and my sink is regularly full. Dinner isn’t usually figured out before 4:30pm (unlike in the old days when I’d often start preparing dinner around 2pm). I’m happy that I can volunteer at school sometimes at least. That’s the benefit of being your own boss and scheduling your own hours. I've got lots of clients who wait a long time to see me for an evening or weekend appointment - scheduling around my kids is a priority so those later afternoon/evening and Saturday hours are hard to come by! Sometimes it’s a bummer when my husband has to work late and I also have clients or a workshop scheduled, but my kids are older now (11 & 13) so they make due just fine on their own at home. I prefer not to be away from home when they're at home, though. It's just one of the sacrifices I make for my clients/students. (My kids aren't terribly heartbroken to stay home and watch YouTube or play video games, though.)
I get up early most days with enough time to meditate and then get to yoga or the gym. I discovered that when I start my day this way, I’m beginning with my tank FULL so when the demands of the day start, I’m not being tapped out before I even begin. I originally picked 5am wakeups because logistically, it was the best time for me to go with my husband's work schedule when my kids were still pretty little. I discovered that I LOVE being awake before sunrise. To arrive home with golden sunlight is so motivating and energizing. I never regret waking up early to get my fitness in. My kids always appreciate a chipper mom with sweaty hair waking them up versus a tired mom yelling from her pillow for them to wake up!
It’s a balance, when work is going great and getting all my focus, the house and family may suffer a bit. The reverse is true as well. It’s important to be okay with that pendulum swing. We do the best we can. I take help where I can and lower expectations of perfection! I don't sweep every day anymore and I hired a monthly cleaning service. It’s not worth getting bent out of shape about certain things and I don't have to prove to myself that I can do it all on my own- I don't have to!
When I DO find myself getting worked up and easily frustrated, however, I KNOW that it’s important to schedule some “me time” ASAP. Shameless plug—my favorite way to do that is to receive a Reiki session. I definitely do practice what I preach. I find that getting Reiki really does help to shake off the b.s. drama that we bring onto ourselves! Self-care is not selfish, it’s self-preservation! Reiki just sort of readjusts us, reboots our physical well being and our mental state as well- and an added bonus- connects us deeper to our spirituality if we are ready for that! These benefits make receiving Reiki a priority in my own life. Whether a “working mom” or not, it’s important that we make that time for us because if we don’t, no one else will. It directly benefits everyone around us when we take that time out to make ourselves a priority!
The Wind was Calling Me
Back many years ago I realized I had a connection to the wind. I could connect with it and it'd respond. I thought it was just something normal, until I asked my friend matter of factly "you know how when you need a breeze, the wind will blow?" and she just was like "....um....no?"
Well, I'd forgotten about this. At least it wasn't in the front of my mind as a way that I connect with the elements. The last few days (weeks?) I've been getting the nudge to start waking up at 5am to meditate. Back when I was really developing my intuitive senses, I’d heard again and again how others development grew rapidly once they made a commitment to a meditation practice. That that’s where the real power comes from- when we get still and allow the inner voices/voices of guides, etc. to be heard. So about 5 years ago or so I was very good about rising early and I learned that I LOVED that magical time of day. I would meditate nearly every morning and it really impacted me.
Life can get in the way, we make excuses, we get lazy. I advise people to get into a meditation practice, but then don’t follow my own advice. I meditate here and there for sure, and I consider my Reiki work a direct plug in to Universal healing and love energy, so I’m vibing pretty high normally—however, that intentional meditation time has been lacking lately. For the past few days I’d naturally wake up at 4:50 or 5am and think “hey- here ya go! See, you’re waking up, go meditate!” And I’d roll over and resist… try to negotiate with myself, “well maybe if I lay here with the intention of connecting it can count?” and I know it’s a lie, but it’s one I tell to myself. With the school year beginning in a few days I wanted to be lazy and put it off until at least next week when I HAVE to wake up early anyway.
This morning the wind called me… insisting I get on it. I woke up just a few minutes before 5am to a big blast of wind blowing in my face. I lowered my curtain and check the time. I literally laughed… thought “oh, wind! You’re waking me up so I go and finally start up my regular meditations again!” and right on cue, the wind blew even stronger, making my wind chimes outside get even louder. I gave up resisting and came downstairs to step back into that old familiar ritual of my early morning magic. The click click click of the gas stove, light a piece of sage and palo santo, then put on the kettle to heat some water. Settling in to get quiet with myself. 30 minutes easily slipped by and I was back to that familiar buzz of energy coursing through my body after I’m able to quiet the mind. Why do we resist this connection? It’s so funny how we are. I am glad to be back. Early morning Septembers have such a refreshing energy behind them. I hope you are able to connect and appreciate them too. 😊 Here’s hoping laziness and resistance don’t get the best of us!
Abstract Imagery
While connecting with my clients, I am able to receive messages clairvoyantly. This is something that developed over time and I'm now able to rely on it as part of my chakra readings. When receiving images, I do my best to understand what they mean by how it makes me feel, what I'm shown and what I hear clairaudiently. Sometimes there's room for error in interpreting these messages. Mostly I am able to convey the message through the images I'm given, but last week I had two incidences where what I said to my clients wasn't immediately understood, so I backed up and delivered the imagery exactly as I saw it and when they heard that, it made more sense to them.
In one of the client's, when I was at the heart I saw a whitish material which reminded me of mozzarella cheese before it is balled up. The feeling I got was that there was a buffer between her and a loved one. I then stepped in to interpret it as if the spouse wasn't hearing her or "getting it" in some way- that there's a gap in their communication/undestanding. When I delivered this message to her she said her husband passed away over a decade ago. I hadn't picked up on that, but she said she feels him close by and communicates with him regularly. So I described the imagery to her and concluded that him being in Spirit could be how I saw that buffer; that squishy place between them of the ethers of him being in Spirit and her still being in human form. The next client is having marriage difficulties which I already knew about. When I got to her heart it appeared like she'd been shot through it, although it was clear and open, just like a hole where you can see straight through to the other side. In the image, she sort of looked down at this open hole and had shock on her face. My brain twisted that to being stunned by hurtful words, perhaps by others. She shrugged off that assessment, but when I told her about how I perceived the image- she resonated directly to it.
It's important to deliver the messages as clear as they come in. Often our human self will twist and analyze experiences - interpreting and perceiving things through our own filters-- psychic healer or not! These two sessions helped to highlight that lesson. Our minds can overanalyze and interpret when the answer is simple and right in front of us. I do my best to share the whole picture with my clients so that the messages can be delivered as clearly as possible and will continue to do so. Each day we grow and learn, a never ending process! I am so grateful to have open and willing clients to experience this together with.
Been a few years....
So I've decided to start up my blog again. I was able to transfer it over from it's former home to here on my website. I started it as a creative outlet back in 2011. Its purpose was to chronicle my Spiritual Journey as it was in it's infancy, or perhaps toddlerhood by that point. If you have any questions of my past and how I ended up on this path, feel free to go back and read my early posts. There's quite a few. :)
At this point in time my business REBALANCE is two years old... I'm super happy to be doing the work that I love to do and that I get to be my own boss, too. I never used to think of myself as a workaholic or a perfectionist-- I still sort of don't... but when it comes to running a business of your own you realize how things have to be a certain way and how you like to control such things. lol. So it seems only natural that I am my own boss and I get to decide all aspects of my business. I never thought of myself as an Entrepreneur either. Ever. That is until I was asked during an interview if I'd had entrepreneurial tendencies throughout my life... upon consideration of that question I realized that I really had had those tendencies all along. I just never labeled it as such. I used to play "Karen's Cafe" with my mom, I'd create a menu then take her order, go make it, then give her a receipt. I also liked to play "store" with my BFF. Would label and price tag items and would create forms to fill out-- for fun! How crazy is that?! I also used to make my own math quizzes (then take them!) and would also be the teacher who would then grade the papers. So I guess in retrospect it seems obvious, but if you would've asked me what I wanted to do or be when I grew up as a child I would've shrugged. I was accused of being bossy quite a bit so I guess it makes sense that I ended up running my own business and becoming my own boss. lol
I look forward to keeping up with a blog again... I plan to share little bits and pieces of what my days and healing sessions entail. I love the work that I do and the experiences I have-- my clients will remain anonymous of course, but I will share some of the really cool things that I encounter. Nothing short of magic and miracles occur daily and I never take them for granted. The stories float through my head from time to time and I may share them with friends or family, but even better that I can record them and share them here with you all. Always fascinating and always grateful. :) Thanks for your interest in joining me here on this ride of mine.
While at the dentist...
The next dental appointment I had (or maybe it was 2 times later?) I got in that open and allowing state just as a way to deal w/ the appointment and again my mind drifted and I "saw" my dentist as a Civil War surgeon- hacking (heavily w/ a cleaver or something) the limbs off of a wounded soldier under a very open, breezy tent. I told him afterward that I got this "glimpse" of a possible past life of his. He was impressed and said that it sounded fitting... he said that the reason he chose dentistry over being an MD was because he knew he couldn't handle seeing severely hurt people dying. Perhaps he couldn't handle it in this life b/c he'd been so shell shocked in a previous one. A lot of times they say that we choose a specific "role" again and again, from life to life. He was a doctor/surgeon and now a dentist and who knows what since way back! I believe I've lived many lives as a healer of various sorts... even some where I've been put to death for my abilities and insights! Thank goodness we are no longer in the dark ages! Phew! :)
This is such a fun topic to explore and I find all this so fascinating... I'm certain I'm not the only one. At least I know my dentist and his wife do! ;) Who knew that going to the dentist could be so enlightening? :)