Exercising Your Intuition

In giving Reiki regularly to clients, I find myself giving the same messages over and over again. “Connect to nature, make exercise a regular habit, spend time being creative and have fun, love and forgive yourself, speak your truth” and the absolute most common one, which is “listen to your intuition, your life will be much easier if you do!”

We often tend to weigh the rational/thinking part of our brains heavier than our feelings and emotions. We try to talk ourselves out of a hunch because it’s either not convenient or we think “that’s not logical” or “I have no proof”, etc. We take things at face value and ignore that inner whisper or nudge that our intuition is giving us. That deep gut, visceral feeling of KNOWING without knowing why or how. (By the way, that knowing is called Claircognizance). The truth is, we can always tap into our intuition to guide us. It’s important that we listen because it never steers us wrong. When we don’t listen, our lives are harder and it causes undue stress. We end up berating ourselves, saying “I KNEW it, if only I’d done what I first thought”. I’ve been actively and consciously following my own inner wisdom, tapping in and tuning in to what FEELS right since 2008. But of course, all along it’s been working. Sometimes in ways that were surprising.

 In 1999 I was moving into an apartment on my college campus with 3 guys I didn’t know, one of whom became my husband. I knew I thought he was cute, but really didn’t entertain the idea of wanting to date my housemate because that isn’t smart! However, before my actual move-in date I was talking about him to my brother (in a casual way, not anything romantically implied) and when I’d say his name my stomach and heart would flip. I was like to myself “wait a minute here, this feels like I like him!?” I didn’t even know yet that I had a crush on him, but viscerally I knew it and I knew it strong. It was pretty funny to recognize it physically that I had an attraction to him before my mind ever even caught up. (Sept 17, 1999 is our official date of being a couple… 19 years now!)

 It’s fun to play with your intuition in light hearted exercises. Nothing crucial, no do or die type scenarios—at first anyway. 😉 The truth will feel right and will lead you in the right direction. Sometimes it can feel like a current, just as you’d feel when in a canoe or small boat. You just go with it and see how where it leads you. While shopping this is fun to explore, kind of just say “okay, I’m open, lead me” and see how the flow takes you (great when you’re at Marshalls or TJ Maxx for a more leisurely b.s. type shopping trip). One time I did this while at a Vitamin Shoppe. It wasn’t the normal store I typically went to and it was arranged differently. I didn’t wanna bother with asking the clerk where to find whatever it was I was there for, so instead I sort of just stepped into the flow. Like a river current, I kind of just observed where it brought me. Before I knew it, I was stopped right in front of the item I came into the store for and I just laughed. It was so fun and cool to let myself be led like that.

 My dog just came in the room and energetically nudged me to take her outside, which reminds me of another fun exercise. Sometimes in the early morning when I let her out, I tap into the energy around me and see if I can sense her presence coming closer to the door so I can let her in before she barks. I feel the energetic squish of her closer presence and proceed to the door and she is always standing there. It is a really fun exercise in me trusting what I’m feeling and is so great to see that I am right!

 Our intuition won’t judge us or make us feel bad. It has a quiet, gentle persistence to it. It may be a voice in your head, a feeling, a knowing or an image- whatever your psychic strength may be (and even if you think you don’t have one, you do. It just may not be as developed yet). All we have to do is get quiet enough to listen, trust and act on it. Really, very little risk and no harm. Keep it light and practice with play, then the more you lean on it the more reliable it’ll get. It’s like a muscle, the more you use it the stronger it gets. Our intuition is here to make our lives easier! Utilize it!

Mom's Last Wishes

So the summer started with a literal flood, on June 21st in my basement. Our water heater broke and leaked all over, both finished and unfinished parts. That flood was like a preview of what my summer would feel like. A mess, but an opportunity to grow and improve. My husband and I share a lazy streak, we wouldn’t have redone that basement unless it was necessary. Just days before the leak we had a conversation of how badly we needed to replace the carpet and paint the walls down there, but it was so much work! Sometimes the Universe presents us with opportunities to grow and change when we aren’t otherwise ready to make such a choice willingly on our own.

The day after the water heater broke, my mom was admitted to the hospital (2nd time since April). This time, though, she wouldn’t be returning to her home ever again. At least not in the physical sense. I already wrote about some of this in my blog from mid July. My family and I had been planning a big trip to Europe since about Feb/March. It was gonna be a few weeks long and start at the very end of July. Visiting my mom in the hospital and rehab centers throughout July, it was apparent to me (along with a little intuitive guidance delivered by one of my mentors) that my mom was tired of her fight. She’d been ill with an autoimmune disease that left her handicapped and mostly wheelchair bound for 15.5 years. Her endocrine system was compromised as well and it was her sodium levels that kept landing her in the ER the past few months. I spent most of July soaking up my momma as much as I could. I loved on her, I supported her, I cried with her. Nothing was left unsaid. When she asked “What’s gonna happen if I can’t get better?” I said “It’s okay to say ‘check please’, Mom. You’ve worked so hard for the past 15 years, it’s okay to be tired. Don’t worry about disappointing us. We love you and we understand.” She didn’t really acknowledge such talk straight on, but I was persistent in assuring her that it was okay to take her exit. It was clear she was tired and a bit defeated. If she were to survive it, it may have been in a compromised way—such as living in a nursing home permanently and I KNEW, and she did too- that there was no way in hell she’d want that.

Two days before my flight to Paris I decided to get some early morning yoga in. On the way out afterward, 7am, my dad called my cell. I knew what that meant. Not good. He said the rehab place admitted my mom a few hours ago to the ER with a 105 fever. I met him at the hosptial, as it was on my way home and divine timing had me right there. We sat again in the ER with my mom as we had on July 3, with her open but non-responsive eyes. He called all my siblings, everyone was gonna get to the hospital ASAP because he was convinced this was it. I left the ER to go home to shower and wait for my sister to arrive in Ridgewood from her train. I decided to meditate while sitting idly in my living room waiting to head to the train station. While in meditation, I heard loud and clear three times “Now is not her time”. My mom remained non-responsive the rest of the day. That evening all my siblings and I gathered around some pizza as per our Friday tradition growing up. Some were speculating that my mom would bounce back from this, some feared it was really over and that was it. I said with a deep knowing “she’s not done, guys, but she’s close. I bet she’ll be back to talk to us again.” I knew she was close to making her exit, but I was hopeful she’d hold out until my return from Europe 3 weeks from that day.

The next morning my sister and I headed back to the hospital to find my mom very much conscious and talking with my dad about what readings she’d like read at her funeral. She said to me and my sister “This is crazy, what’s the point?” (of continuing to live like this). We said we agreed. I was so glad my mom was finally coming around to look this straight in the eye. It wasn’t even sad and low, it was like “Yes! You’re ready for the next step!” We sat and talked with my mom for a while after my dad left for mass at 11. This was special for me and my sister because we got that focused time with my mom for us to clarify all her last wishes. She said “If I go while you and Bob (my brother) are away on vacation, don’t come back. Stay on your trips. We’ll do something when you come back when we can all be together”. (My brother also had a trip he’d been planning and looking forward to with his family). Soon after my other brother Jac came to the hospital and we all were literally laughing and talking, telling stories. Just loving one another and appreciating our time together. I returned a few hours later with my husband and sons, my mom took this opportunity to say goodbye to them in a very real sense of GOODBYE. She held each of their hands while they stood on either side of her hospital bed and looked them in the eye one at a time and said something particular to each of them, told them she loved them and would miss them. We all cried and they hugged her, as did my husband. I said “I’ll be back tomorrow!” (in other words, don’t say bye just yet!). I visited her the next morning and got some alone time after my sister and Bob left. I felt so complete with her, I knew I’d said and done everything I could think of. A few weeks before I read to her the blog I wrote about her and I broke down several times reading it. I said to her “can you finish reading it?” She said “I can’t. I won’t be able to!” So I choked down the tears and continued reading it until I was done. I loved on my mom so hard those last few weeks. I was there for her, I held her hand. Leaving her that Sunday just a few hours before my scheduled flight was not easy. But I felt complete, I knew even if she wasn’t here when I returned I’d said and done everything I could to let her know just how important she was to me. I was hopeful she would survive my trip, but she was pretty certain she wouldn’t.

On Wednesday while walking through the Louvre in Paris I got a message from my brother Jac, “Mom’s got a 107 fever. This is it. Giving her morphine now.” Just three days after I left. I wasn’t prepared for that! She passed on that Saturday and by then I was in Germany visiting my friend of 24 years. I contemplated going home but my dad and sister said “Stay! Mom said to stay, honor her wishes!” My brother was also remaining on his vacation so that helped anchor me. Plus, that coming Monday-Wed I was visiting my mom’s brother’s family in Germany. Knowing I’d be with some of the Linberg family during this difficult time really helped. The visits with friends and family in Germany were a large reason behind even going to Europe and I didn’t really want to lose that! While sitting with my cousin in Berlin on Wednesday around the time of the funeral it struck me. My uncle had died suddenly (at the age of 40) while visiting the US when she was 10. My aunt flew out to be there in the following days, leaving she and her brother behind with their German maternal grandparents. I said to her “Wait a minute, you missed your Dad’s funeral?” and she said yes, that they had done one in California, but never did one when her mom returned to Germany. This shared grief and experience brought us together in such a beautiful moment. We both lost a beloved Linberg parent and neither of us could mourn with the family at the funeral since we were thousands of miles away. We cried at this realization and immediately knew our parents were alongside us, helping to choreograph this. No longer did I wonder “why am I here and not at the funeral?” I had my answer.

It’s still hard to believe that my mom is no longer physically present. She has made her presence known in many ways already through songs on the radio, pennies, feathers and energetic hugs and words spoken in my head in her voice. It helps to know we are having a funeral part two with her ashes in December. It really sucks to have missed her funeral, though. Who misses their mom’s funeral?! But I wouldn’t take back those days in Germany. My mom and I knew we were good. And we are good. She continues to teach and guide me from the other side now. There are already cool stories to share, and many more to come. Love never ends.

When Weird became Normal

When in massage school I didn’t assume I’d end up as a psychic healer. Not once was that even a consideration. I enjoyed watching “John Edward” and read Sylvia Brown’s books, read up on ghost hauntings and astrology, but never did I think that realm would become my “normal”. When I was taking a class in CranioSacral therapy back in 2006 a classmate approached me with a small rose quartz crystal. She had that glazed out woo-woo look in her eye and said “I feel compelled to give you this stone!” I kind of chuckled to myself and thought “okay, weirdo!” but graciously accepted it and stuck in my pocket with a shrug. There were some people in that CranioSacral community who were weirdo crystal angel people and I stayed away from them. Little did I know I’d become one! Lol

Somewhere a few years into my massage practice I started seeing “sparks” while working on my clients in my dimly lit room. I thought it was peculiar. I saw it with my actual eyes, in the vicinity within where I was working, usually above or around my clients’ bodies. I reasoned it must be energy being released in some form off the body. I didn’t know what else to think it was. When I took my first intuitive development classes several years later I asked my instructor about these sparks I would see. She replied quickly with “oh, that’s Angels”. Then she said “wait a sec, let me check” and she closed her eyes and cocked her head to the side; which I’d learned meant she was listening to Spirit, and then opened her eyes brightly and said “Yup. It’s Angels.” What the what?

During that class we spent some time holding crystals to feel their energy. I never knew such a thing existed. Sure, I knew people liked crystals but didn’t think they had healing properties or anything else to offer. But I accepted that we were doing exercises where we tuned into the energy of the stones, so I sat with one at a time and was surprised that I immediately got impressions of how they made me feel. Some tingled up my arm, made me feel lighter in my head or heavier in my feet, adjectives popped into mind, etc. After the exercises we read out loud what we “picked up on” and our descriptions matched up with what that stone’s healing properties and uses were. I was floored! How could a rock have energy and help with healing?

Honestly, I kind of don’t really understand it on a level in which I can explain it other than saying their energy interacts with and influences yours. The fun part about crystals is that you are drawn to what you need. You don’t have to “know” anything about them, but if you are drawn to a specific one over and over again, you need it. Hopefully you can find out what type of stone it is so you can research its healing properties. 100% of the time it relates to something you need at that moment. It’s amazing stuff.

I started collecting stones in 2009 and have practically run out of room for them all! I buy crystals in bulk and give them out to and educate people about them all the time. I also regularly teach people to connect with their Angels (all you have to do is ASK for their help. Out loud or in your head, it’s all that is required! That along with gratitude and acknowledgement when they do show up and help you out).  I am so grateful to include these aspects of Spiritual assistance into my life- it makes life easier and more fun. I’ve become that weirdo crystal angel lady and I’m so glad to be on this side of the woo.

My Momma

My mom has been extremely impactful in my life, not just because she’s my mom, but because of her support in me as a healer. When I was 16 and learned about massage, she was the first person I experimented on. She loved to be massaged by me and oh so graciously offered herself for me to practice on! At 19 when I realized that massage school was an option for my career path, she and my dad encouraged me to wait until I finished college before pursuing it. One of the requirements for the massage school I was planning on attending upon finishing college was to have gotten at least two professional massages. In my 5 years of practicing and playing with massage, I hadn’t ever gotten one! So for Christmas in 1999, just 5 months before I would start massage school, my mom got me two 60 minute massages from a place nearby. She has always been so supportive.

The largest impact my mom would make on me, however, was getting ill with an autoimmune disease called Acute Transverse Myelitis in December of 2002—just two months after my husband and I were married. In an effort to help her, I felt helpless. Massage was contra-indicated. I knew I could bring her some relief, I just didn’t know how. At this time I was led to CranioSacral work and that work forever impacted me and changed my whole career trajectory. I learned how to sense the subtle vibrations of the body and it opened up my intuition. I loved practicing it and even found someone local to my mom who could work on her (at the time I was living a hundred miles away from my parents).

My mom’s illness changed her life, it became so much harder. She deals with pain everyday and is confined to a wheelchair a majority of the time. There are complications that arise because of her illness which land her in hospitals once in a while, and then onto a rehab facility for a few weeks after that. In 2009 she had pneumonia and was in an isolation room at the hospital. She’d received a ton of antibiotics that weren’t working. My dad said to me “there’s no more medicine to give her… go do what you can”. Talk about pressure. I am grateful my dad believes in me and the work that I do- but geez! So I went into her room. She was intubated so couldn’t speak but was alert. I asked her “Do you want to die? I don’t want to intend you stay if really, you’d rather go” She shook her head “no” with emphatic eyes. Okay then, so I know where we stand then. I told her to close her eyes and I tuned in and did a concentrated healing—this was before I even took Reiki but had learned some other healing methods through the Theta healing I had been training in that year. After I was done and we both had our eyes open, I asked her if she had any visualizations or if anything came to her. She had a card with the letters of the alphabet on it so she could communicate to me. She said she kept hearing “think pink lung”. Soon after that her lungs did heal and she was able to come home.

Another time, in 2011 she was in a rehab place when I went to visit her. She asked me to work on her and I decided to experiment with seeing chakras (energy centers in the body). I knew where the chakras were located and what their colors were but that was about it. When I tuned in and tried to “look” I was happily surprised to see them! This prompted me to research more about them and how my perception of them reflected the health of her body/mind/spirit. Again, another teachable moment brought to me by my momma.

Her disease has forever impacted all of us and sometimes it overtakes her identity. Just last week she was admitted to the ER because her sodium was dangerously low. The days that followed brought me back to my mom, back to the close relationship we had long before her illness took over. There were moments when I was scared I’d lose her. I am so glad I could be with her one on one again, to reconnect with her and love on her. I can now confidently be by her side and assist in her healing- whatever form that it takes. It was very reminiscent of her early days in the hospital back nearly 16 years ago but I am older, wiser and a stronger healer now- and fortunately, now I’m only a few miles away instead of 100.

On Saturday when I visited her, we had some time alone and I said “how about I lay you back and do some Reiki?” Of course she agreed. I lowered her bed and proceeded to give her Reiki. As soon as I began I felt someone walk in, so I opened my eyes and turned around. No one there. I started again and felt it again—then realized it was my Gramma (her mom) who passed in 2011. Soon she was followed by my mom’s brother who died at age 40 nearly thirty years ago, then her dad, then my father’s parents, my mom’s Grandmother (whom I’ve never met) and soon her bed had concentric circles of family reaching far into her ancestors. It went so far that I saw ancient Scandinavians and Vikings! Horned hats and all! It was so beautiful and wonderful. They all collectively sent healing and the light they brought above my mom’s center resembled a wagon wheel of energy. It was amazing. I finished the work and just allowed my mom to bask in it a while. She awoke when my dad entered the room- of course he arrived in perfect diving timing and her session wasn’t interrupted. She was refreshed and amazed. It was a powerful session, and I shared the details with my parents with tears in my eyes. Wow. I love this work. I am so humbled that I get to do this work and to have this profound connection to my mom. She continues to teach me- I grow into a better healer and person because of her.

Past Life Exploration

It wasn’t until I was about 32 that I started wondering about past lives. I wasn’t raised to believe in them, having grown up Catholic. I remember my friends in college telling me I had probably been an Egyptian goddess and I laughed and shrugged. It wasn’t until I was knee deep in my spiritual awakening that I ever explored such a thing.

While taking a class on intuitive development we did an exercise where we worked in partners, helping guide the other and hold the space as the teacher coached us into a past life meditation. It is so interesting and curious—what will I see? Will I get anything?? How can I possibly know if it’s true?

I had no idea what to expect, hadn’t yet gotten any glimpses into possible past lives of mine (as I do now)… so I was wide open and curious and a little scared too. We set the intention to access a positive life so that we wouldn’t be upset by what we “saw” (or felt, heard, experienced).  Being a healer, as I am, it’s pretty much guaranteed that a lot of the lives I lived didn’t end so well. Fortunately, when we incarnate most of this information isn’t readily accessible to our conscious minds.

Anyhow, so I was in the meditation and the first thing I’m guided to do is to look down at my feet. Immediately I see that I’m walking in tall grass barefoot with a long swooshy skirt. There’s a sense of knowing where you are and what time period you are in, so when prompted by the guide you have an immediate answer. I felt like I was in the Midwest, kind of like during the “Little House on the Prairie” time period (1800s) and that I was a midwife. We were then guided to fast forward to a significant event in time, to which I was brought to after the death of my husband. When asked what lesson I am taking from that life, it was to know that his spirit was still with me and that I wasn’t alone. I knew that my husband then was also my husband now- despite differences in outward appearances from the members of our soul family who we regularly incarnate with, there’s a familiar soul recognition in the eyes of those you know and love. It’s the neatest thing.

Soon after this class, my husband and I took a trip to Oregon. Upon our return home, as I went through the pictures from our trip, I was stunned. There was a photo we took in one of those faces cut out things and there we were in that Pioneer time period, happily reunited as husband and wife. It really struck me.  Forever connected and learning and growing from each life we share.

I have since connected to dozens and dozens of lives mine. They each serve a purpose and help to grow us and expand us. Whether you go through a hypnotherapist to access this, a guided past life meditation or receive healing work that opens this up for you- it’s a fascinating topic to explore. It can help bring to light why the patterns that keep you stuck- or the things that ail you- exist. Getting such recognition often helps to heal and release these problems and offers an opportunity for you to grow as an enlightened being. To read more about this check out the book “Many Lives, Many Masters” by Brian Weiss. It’s a story about a psychologist who stumbled into past life regression and the stories he tells are pretty amazing. Please ask me any questions or comment below if you have any fun stories to share!

Signs from Spirit

Not everyone realizes that Spirit communication is a two-way street. Sure, Angels can help us in extreme times of need, but for the most part they are on stand-by, waiting to be invited in, respecting our free will. If we ask for help from the other side and beyond, we receive signs in acknowledgement. They can range from numbers on the clock or license plates, orbs in pictures, bumper stickers, lyrics of songs or pieces of a passerby’s conversation that stand out, feathers, coins, cloud formations in the sky, etc. All you have to do is ask, allow and receive - and trust those nudges, hints and whispers. When I was new on my spiritual journey I learned this and began asking the Angels and my spiritual team for help and happily, my prayers and requests were answered.

One day I was looking for something I had misplaced. I forget what I was specifically looking for now, but I remember the experience clearly. I had kind of thrown my hands up in defeat and said “Fine. Angels, please help me find this!” Immediately afterward I felt as if I was being pushed from behind, in a gentle, guided sort of way (as if one finger was in my middle back just directing my forward motion). I found myself in the room by the garage, then opening the garage door and ultimately the trunk of my car – with the lost object now in full view. I laughed out loud the whole way, like “um, okay—where are you taking me?” It was such a confirming experience of “ask and you shall receive”. Our guidance is right there if we are in an open enough state to ALLOW and LISTEN.

Another time I was connecting to my crossed-over paternal grandparents. I knew they could hear me and I did feel connected, but being a typical human, I wasn’t satisfied. I wanted something more concrete and tangible to prove that they did hear me. I asked for a sign that would be unexplainable and clear enough that I couldn’t dispute it. Later that day I came home to find my clock (small desk clock on my bookcase) turned 180 degrees, it’s back facing me. I also discovered the knob to my space heater a few feet away from the unit. These were two very clear signs that couldn’t be explained away. I did try though- I asked my young sons if they’d been in my massage room (a room they didn’t normal play in unless I was present) and they said no. They aren’t mischievous kids and never lie, so I believed them. This sign from my grandparents was so tangible! A few years later the same thing with the clock happened in my new workspace and I just smiled inwardly and said “Thanks” out loud, knowing my grandparents were acknowledging my success.

A few years before my maternal grandmother passed away I began feeling a strong connection to her husband, my grandfather. I came to believe he’s a Spirit Guide of mine, as we’d never known each other in this physical life. Somehow feeling his connection manifested in the appearance of dimes. So, whenever I saw a dime I knew he was with me; guiding me and supporting me. Once my grandmother passed, I began seeing pairs of dimes everywhere. It was the coolest thing. One remarkable occasion was on their wedding anniversary, which also was my grandmother’s birthday. I had moved a bunch of bags and shoes from the front door to clear a safe path when a client arrived. (This was back when I used to work out of the home with small children. That itself was memorable because it was an embarrassing mess!) Upon walking my client back out after her session, that same spot where I’d cleared a pathway were two dimes right in the middle of the floor. No one had come through from the time of her entrance only an hour before. I was so happy to see my grandparents message for me. Another time more recently, I was preparing for a talk at the local library and was unloading my crystals onto a table top and when I turned back to unload some more there was a dime among them just sitting there all shiny and happy. I just shook my head and thought “Gramma! You’re awesome! Thank you!”

Crossed over loved ones, Spirit Guides, Saints, Angels and Ascended Masters are always here to help us. It’s very validating when we connect and ask for signs and then receive answers in a variety of ways. It assures us that we aren’t alone in this human journey, that there’s something bigger at play. Receiving these signs gives us perspective and comfort. We all have the ability to connect, no matter who you are or what you believe. All you need is an open mind and the humility to ask for help.